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Maybe you're bald, maybe not, maybe you care, likely not; stories here, some funny, some not.

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Stories used for publication of Baldie Stories 1 have been removed from this blog.

Friday, December 3, 2010


     “Poppa di—di-ill-gun Buzzzz! ina woot wit Mason!”
     “Yes, but you have the sixteenth bit there, it’s too small. The nails will get stuck.”
     “Big Big one! Dis one dill bits!”
     “Yes, that one – here, like this, with… careful, sharp.”
     “No Ouch! Macy Zupp-Zupp – ina woot for BIG scup-cha!”
     “Eighth is good, the nails will fit, here – drill here, and here and careful!”
     “Big Big Big! High ina sky scup-cha onna wall Macy N Poppa makeit!”
     “And Momma, Momma too. Listen, she makes the big decisions; we fabricate.”
     “Cate! Good Cate! Naiel-it!”
     “here, we put the nails in from behind, take the hammer…”
     “Hamma! Mamma Hamma Mamma….!”
     “Quiet about the hammer – don’t….”
     “What hammer? You aren’t giving him the hammer are you? He’ll sever a finger… Who has the nails? He doesn’t have the nails, does he?”
     “Hold the hammer like this and.. NO! not on the window! Like this, from the back, and that’s it – we put the corks on the front, right over the nails.
     “Hamma! Scup-“
     “We need more drawing on this – where’s the pencil – here, you draw, around here, where we put the spackle…”
     “You have to take it up wit Momma, she’s no-go on the spackle – aesthetic decision.”
     “Who’s calling me? You’re not putting on more spackle are you? We’ll have to get out the sand paper again!”
     “Just draw; why aren’t you drawing? Here, no, right here –NO, right here- No…”
     “Why is he crying? I hear him crying. I’m trying to get the right corks here, can’t I get the – He is crying – he didn’t hammer his finger off did he?”
     “Mason, stop being fickle, no one likes a fickle artist – draw here – this is a collaboration…”
     “Hey, he’s saying he won’t do it.”
     “Tell him it looks right.”
     “He just won’t.”
     “No coaburate! No!”
     “What happened?”
     “Poppa no coaburate! Sky-hi scup-cha! Mason make it!”
     “Hey! Hey!”
     “What now!”
     “MY head, hey, cut it out – he’s – he’s drawing on my head…”
     “Hey, that’s not bad – better than this mess.”
     “Poppa hed-scup-cha! Up up sky high!”
     “You too… very nice.”
     “Momma ha-ha-ha laf-hing!”
     “You all laugh. Go ahead. We’ll see, just wait, we’ll see.”

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