welcome to the baldie stories blog.

Maybe you're bald, maybe not, maybe you care, likely not; stories here, some funny, some not.

"Baldie Stories 1" now available for purchase - visit amazon Kindle today! click here; Baldie Stories 1
Stories used for publication of Baldie Stories 1 have been removed from this blog.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Baldie Chops

     A little spittle rocketed off his lip each time he shouted the word into the phone.
     The word echoed across the empty field. The anger in it threatened peaceful gaps in time beneath lavender shadowed trees, trilled the dew in the morning grass, and sent a shiver thorough the two quiet children who had been standing motionless beside the shouting man.
     A sad looking Lab nipped at the echoes and suddenly took down the field to a row of crows that were resting their wings near the end of the world.
     "That's what he said!" Shouted the man after a long pause.
     Beyond the end of the world something stirred.
     The boy was lean, blond, and long-toothed. He edged toward me, leaving his sister to shiver quietly near her frothing father.
     "What's your name?" He asked.
     "Skeezix" I said, and nodding to my son, "that's Alfonso."
     "Want to play?" Asked the boy.
     The father was ranting and spitting but he saw his son speaking to a stranger and paused for just one guilty moment before picking up the rant once more. "I told him! I said,
You've got to be kidding me!! I'm only thirty-five! Son of a bitch! How could I be going bald!"
     "What's your name?" I asked the boy.
     "Walter," he admitted, weakly. "That's Horatio," he nodded to his sister.
     "Isn't that...."
     "Doesn't she..."
     "We call her Henrietta."
     "I see."
     Alphonso tickled his nose with a blade of grass and sneezed.
     "Your dad's angry huh?"
     "Jeepers..." said Walter.
     "Henrietta looks frightened, don't you think?" I asked.
     "She always looks like that - Hey! Hey Henry!" called Walter.
     Horatio ignored her brother.
     "You want to play with me?" Asked the boy.
     "We wouldn't mind," I said, pointing to Alphonso, "but what about Henry?"
     "Oh she's not feeling much like playing, right now," said Walter. "We were supposed to go to the pool. Then dad got mad and now - no pool."
     "That's too bad," I said.
     "Sure is."
     "Why's your old man screaming cause he's bald?!" Bleated Alphonso. "What's the big deal?"
     Walter shrugged.
     "My papa's bald, you don't see him screaming!"
     "Hey now, be nice, Alphonso! You  just didn't hear my screaming. I screamed plenty."
     "No you didn't!"
      "Sure I did, you just weren't there  to hear it."
     "Well then, you stopped anyhow! That guy just keep screaming."
     Walter frowned, Henry made a little red fist and threw it against her hip.
     "He's mad at his bald because mother didn't like him and she moved out."
     "She moved out because he was bald?" Asked Alphonso, surprised.
     Henry finally couldn't stand it. Her father was so deep into his rant that he couldn't fix himself beyond the end of his cell phone and the rage kneading up his lips.
     "She didn't leave because he was bald, you idiot! She left because daddy never stops screaming about it! She said he was a dummy."
    Alphonso pulled the Velcro strap on one sneaker up and down. Then he looked at me and said, "Papa, Mama just says she doesn't like you thats all. She doesn't say bad words."
     "I'm glad to hear it." I said.
     Far off the little spot that was the Lab chasing crows in the field grew larger.
     "What's the name of your dog?"
     "Tick-tock," she said.
     "Why's that?" Asked Alphonso.
     "Cause his she's go like this..."
     Henry made like left and right with her big brown eyes.
     "That's funny," said Alphonso.
End part 1

Friday, August 30, 2013

Baldie Drawing in Blue

      This story will be available in Baldie Stories 1 through Kindle.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Future Hair

     This story will be available in "Baldie Stories 1", through Kindle.

Monday, February 18, 2013

1/2 of Stanley - part 5 - the end

    This story has been removed from the blog. Please purchase "Baldie Stories 1" for this and other stories in the published collection. thanks, andy

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Bald in Russia !

     Well I am very pleased to note that Baldie Stories has found it's way to Russia, where I seem to be more popular than here in the U.S. - we are all brothers bald! And sisters. And occasionally have bald pets. I would love to hear from any followers, and please follow and comment - it's lonely here in this bald story place a lot of he time, and I would live to publish a Baldies book of short stories, so more followers and readers, better chance of publishing. In the meantime, please enjoy the stories, and my gratitude to all who do, those who may, and the others who really couldn't care less after all!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

a room filled with 4 year olds

     "You rascals! What's all the noise!? The grown ups are trying to talk down there! Hey! You! The one that looks like me! Poor sod! Do I know you?!"
     "Papa! It's me!"
     "Me?! My boy? Is it you? Yes, he llook like me, just, nearly - only the hair - you have all that hair!"
    "It's Mason!" 
     The children laugh. They shout it, shout his name because they know the routine. They love to know the routine. Everybody loves to know the routine.
    "How could it be? All that hair! Where's MY hair!? Whatcha laughing at? Hey! You! You laughing at me? This bald head? Huh?"
     Even those who haven't been in this scene before, they pick up the cues like pros. Small gestures, big ones - my son makes google eyes at me - then even the quiet one in the corner comes out to see where he trick is hiding. 
     It's a lot for a four year old to hold in, but they're trying hard to stay in character . The longer they hold it the funnier it will be when they let loose.
     "You! You got my hair?! Huh? Is that it in your pocket? My hair? How about you?! You're laughing - you look guilty! What's all that rolling around on the floor?"
     "Where's you're hair?" It's a kid I don't know. 
     "What? Did you say...? Did ask me? My hair? Where is it?! That's what I'm asking!"
     "It's not on your head!"
    It's the punch line. They roar. It's done. We did it again. Now the close.
    "Who said that? Who.... Say now, you're all teasing me! Go ahead, laugh! All of you! I'm leaving!"

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Baldie Stories is 3 years old!

       The Baldie blog is 3 years old this October. There are now 90 stories; the first 26 were written prior to starting the blog, edited, and reworked over time for the blog. 
       64 new stories, or entries, are all works created for the blog as my own workshop and place to share. The story below, Baldie Bistro, was the very first Baldie story written somewhere around 1993. 
       I still had hair then. Thanks for being there, helping, reading, and sharing.