What You Can't Be...

     When you're young very little thought is spent over dignity (unless you're born a nervous wreck which is sad because there is nothing more undignified than a sniveling, little nervous wreck), and you live those glory days kicking piles of rules into the wind, all the while believing with certainty that the rules don't apply to you. No they don't, and they never will. No they won't.
     And then one day you find yourself married, and your knees hurt when you run, and your son... my goodness! Where did he come from? ... is ready for a bicycle, and suddenly, it hits you;
     The "Two out of Three" rule:
It's hard to maintain your dignity when you begin to find yourself getting old, fat, and bald. Here it is:
You can be old and fat but have hair,
You can be old and bald but not fat,
You can be young and fat and bald, and although it's not a style that promotes a secure disposition, you're still young and really that's all that matters.
     Oh, sure, they'll tell you that old fat and bald is fine, "FINE! - Ha ha! How you feel is what counts..." Sure! Sure," they say...
     I'm a size 32 jeans. I grew into size 33 and nearly had a stroke. You can't call it fat, not yet, not ever, cause I got my old, bald backside into the park and ran myself back into 32. Yes I did. "Two out of Three" I can control that. I got one I can control. Yes I do; no matter how much sniveling there is, was and will be.