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Maybe you're bald, maybe not, maybe you care, likely not; stories here, some funny, some not.

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Monday, May 13, 2013

Future Hair - end

     "Here Baldie-Baldie-Baldie!"
     "Alph, my head feels like jelly."
     The strobes had been disengaged, capping aisle G88's flow was rerouted to G89, and the locator sensors had a fix on Scary.
     "There he is, behind the pallet of styling mousse."
     "I see him."
     "Five-oner-one," announced Fred, "Mr. Never Ever!"
     Alph stopped. "That's his name?"
    Fred checked his tablet. "That's it."
    Scary interrupted. "future-presence shows I'm waking out of here, bald and intact. You guys smell like shit!"
    "Security is on the way, remain where you are."
    "You mean future-bringing," Alph clarified.
     "No," said Scary, stepping into the aisle to face the two makeover specialists. "I mean future-presence, a bit different, huh?"
     "What's he talking about?" Asked Alph."
     "I walk out of here, and I will be the first Baldie in seven hundred years to do so. I'll live out my life bald and as fucked up in the head as I can be!"
     "He really does need a cleaning!"
      "And some hair."
     But Alph and Fred both had a strange and uneasy feeling as they listened to Scary. They were feeling reality shifting against its natural course. Scary was in the process of bringing about that shift. Seven hundred years of perfect coifs, spotless attitudes, endearing social graces and undiminished enthusiasm for the cause of greater good was about to become a part of the real past.
     "You feel it! All that hair coming undone one pretentious follicle at a time, one affected and totally brainwashed lock after the other!"
     They could hear the Baldie Police at the conveyor entrance, bashing at the sealed security gate. Scary continued.
   "I did something none of you thought to do! So simple! I brought past-presence INTO future-bringing!"
    "Seven hundred years! Idiots! I took a ride back and brought it forward! It's happening now! Look at yourselves!"
     "Alph! Your hair! What's happening!"
     "Fred! You've got a shadow on your chin! Something's wrong with your head! I don't feel well!"
     "You'll start feeling real angry in a moment. Ouch! That's gonna hurt!"
     "You don't know what your talking about! That's why your here!"
     "The anger you know is controlled, just like all your other emotions and thoughts! Like your hairline! Like your attitudes about everything from what you eat to how dream! No more! I stuck before, after! Turned always into never-more! Me! Scary Never Ever!"

     By he time Baldie security got through the gate there was little left of causal notion. A few drips of adjustment and neatness. Mostly there were angry bald men with no sense ground, no reason to be, no pretense to righteousness, which was replaced by another false righteousness, the old one, the lousy little one that might be overcome by kindness and compassion.
     And then:
     The rest followed.
     The safe-line lineage of Never-wrecks, the suffering stream one blood relative to the next, knowing and not knowing the past and the future. Scary, finding solace in distress, bringing about the final shift, ending the new horrors and bringing back the old, pressing the reset, bringing despair upon his mother, worse for his father, and the weight of universal clarity upon himself, a bald and insecure Adam in a groundless place. All that and more!

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